A CUP OF TIPS TO START UP THE DAY

A CUP OF TIPS TO START UP THE DAY
LESSON 1 A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their
way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be
in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was
gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and
he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

LESSON 2 Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
hand,
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,
and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start
button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"

LESSON 3 An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way
to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of
-ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of
'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"

LESSON 4 There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a
genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the
bottle,
He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A
wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted,
"WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so
happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
contented
with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly
He
steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"SHIT!!!!!!!........."
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES
ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
LESSON 5 The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide
who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the
brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it
Wants to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where
it's
going.
Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste
whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2 -
Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3 - Legs got cramps and
became unstable Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5
-
Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6 -The other organs agreed to
let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK
YOU
ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE"
Happy working!